Originally Posted by Retread
The first motivational problem is getting someone to even look at Marriage Builders. They have to want, just a enough, to improve their marriage that they will read one of the books or agree to phone counseling, or go to an MB Weekend seminar.

I agree. And this is why I have recommended calling Steve Harley to those of you with reluctant spouses. He is often able to motivate them to try Marriage Builders by giving the reporting spouse a plan to attract them. You don't have to get your spouses agreement to coach with Steve, he counsels you ALONE and gives you a plan to attract the spouse. For example, Steve has given spouses word by word talking points to use with reluctant spouses that motivated them to get on phone with him. Once they get on the phone with him, he sells them on the program. He does the work, you don't have to.

She is also of the mind that a person should follow their feelings, be who they are. She doesn't believe people can really change who they are, but only learn to put on an act. She put down the book and closed her mind.

Because she is what Dr Harley would call a freeloader. From Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders:

Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.

Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accomodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carpet, replacing the roof, and even doing some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101