I disagree that my wife is a Free-loader or Renter, although she does seem to exhibit some of those traits. Part of the attitude of "just being natural and doing what you feel" is a message drummed into my generation by pop culture, music, movies, TV, books, college, women's lib, etc. The rest of it is external forces of anxiety over the political economy, family illness, and deaths.

I have come to be a bit less impatient with her, because I realize how much things outside her control and my control are causing her worry. Life for her is cloudy and raining, with just a patch of sunshine. That has led to an attitude that, "This is good as it gets."

I was paying close attention to everything she said last night, and when I, or one of the children ( 2 are back home now ) said we would do this or do that chore or errand, her comment was negative.
"Well, you didn't do it last week."
"You didn't do such a great job of cleaning the kitchen today."
"Why bother."

This is not normal for her, but has become normal. But you can't point out to someone that they are letting personal tragedies sour their entire outlook on life, without sounding like you are dismissing or minimalizing the very real fact that things are bad, and they have a right to be sad. Its like the effects of post-partum depression or menopause, or being injured and on pain killers: the person has to know there is a change in their world, but they deny it is inside them.

For myself, or Hold, or OurHouse, there is a right time to get someone to make the move to listen to a Steve Harley or whoever will get them focused on something positive that they can change.