Hi mud, I'm happy for you too!!!

And hold, you can keep impersonating Eeyore if it's what your comfort zone is, but I see little glimmers of hope every now and then.

Oh Hold,

I was trying to be funny.

Sorry if that wasn't helpful to you. I always feel better if I can laugh with someone about how sucky something is.

But I'm about as far away from Eeyore as you can get--and not everyone is like me.

R U OK today?

Hey Telly:

Just read your response on another thread and wanted to give you a hug too.

(((((Telly)))))

BTW, don't worry about high standards. That's the same as setting the bar high. As long as you are open and fair and honest about it (and it sounds as though you are), then it is probably fair.

and a hug for Hold, too!

I am fine. Had an interesting talk to Mrs. Hold on the drive in today (her car in shop so she drove me to work). Should lead to more interesting talks. Just too busy with work (unfortunately marketing and not billable to clients) to post today.

Thanks, as always, to all for the well wishes. And FYI, the boy with the brain tumor had it successfully removed. Of course, now he has a staph infection from being in the hospital so long. But God willing he will go home this coming weekend.

Mrs. Hold is a good person and deserves to be treated well.

So am I. I do too.

Oh, and she is down 50 pounds and about to cross the second to last "decade change" on her way to her goal. I told her we would take a family vacation if she gets to her goal (she had reached a plateau and I thought she needed a little extra motivation). Now she is well on her way and I am going to have to figure out how to pay for a family vacation! But that is a good problem to have.

That's fantastic Hold! Go Ms H!

YAY!

Mrs. Hold is very conflicted about being complimented on her achievement. She says that when someone tells her how great she looks, she feels bad that she ever let herself get that heavy. And she fears she will gain it back.

I asked her if she wants me to stop complimenting her, so as to stop triggering the bad feelings and fear. She said "no, keep the compliments coming". A good lesson in meeting your spouse's needs even if it makes no sense why they feel how they feel or why they want what they are asking for. Just do it!

And I gotta say she looks GREAT in the costume she is wearing to the costume party Saturday night. Good thing I am not that interested in sex with her these days, or spending 4 hours staring at her would be torture!

Mrs. Hold may be enticing me out of withdrawal. She has been exceedingly pleasant the past few months. Even without access to a credit card. Hmmmm.

LOL Hold you give me hope!

Of course, just as things with Mrs. Hold turn up a little, things at work crash down. Eeyore back!

It feels safer to be Eeyore. You will always find a reason to be Eeyore unless you choose to think differently.

You don't need that electric shock therapy to choose to think differently, Hold.

All you have to tell yourself to day is "Well, at least I still have a job." And get back to work.

Anything you tell yourself that turns you into Eeyore is exactly that--you telling yourself something. You have to figure out how to change your script. You can do that by choosing different thoughts.

Have you ever tried meditation, or T'ai Ch'i or something? Anything that is about surrendering thoughts, and releasing their power?

You can live differently. You can. It's like this part time job I took (one that I had also done years ago). The place is filthy... Because despite all the "training video's", people really don't believe it can be clean. I know it can be clean almost all the time, because I worked somewhere for years where it was always clean.

You have never experienced life differently, so it's hard to lean into it. But it's an option for you, Hold. Eeyore CAN morph into Pooh bear. Or Piglet.

Hold,

Great news about your w. I still have much hope for you and your marriage.

Sometimes when we get movement in one area of our life another area seems to become the problem area. I'm hoping that you don't allow the difficulties with work to negate was is happening in your marriage.

My h used to say when things are going well at work they are not so good at home, when they are going good at home not so well at work. If that is true not not so sure why it has to be one way or the other.

Things will get better at work, however we can never replace relationships that can be lost when they don't have to be.

And I did take your advice and talked to h about the sf issue. He said it was because he sensed I was irritated to him even though I told him I wasn't. Could I carry some blame sure but it wasn't all me.

Unfortunately, the work stuff involves 3rd parties and I sense I am going to be made the scapegoat. I am working to avoid that outcome. Just need to keep telling myself I can handle this.

BJS, good job talking to your h. Keep talking. This is not a once and done. It is a continuing process. Give him big kudos for opening up and tlaking to you. Even if you wish his answers were different, you enjoy hearing his answers. Right? So give him strokes for participating and then ask more questions. Get him in the habit of talking. Even if at first it is mostly him saying things you wish were different. The important thing is that he gets comfortable stating what he feels. Then you can work on helping him feel differentyl!

You CAN handle this.

I've been reading stuff by Cesar Milan (Dog Whisperer) and watching his show, because we were thinking of getting a dog.

The thing I took away with me, that has nothing to do with dogs, is important my energy is. I have the power to live in calm, peaceful, assertive state of mind. And I have the power to live in a meek, nervous, unsettled, unsteady state of mind.

I get to choose.

Lately, I'm choosing Calm Assertive. Because I can. ANd that's who I want to be--and who I can be.

Hold, you are fully capable of demonstrating that the error was not yours. You may have to do some work in order to accomplish that goal, but you can do it, and you will.

The power of positive thinking may sound trite, but if it's something you choose to accept at the deepest core of who you are, then it's powerful and real.

Sorry about the work stuff Hold. Hang in there and I hope it all works out for you. It's not fun when someone who didn't do it or that there has to be a scapegoat just to appease someone occurs. I have watched that happen recently and it wasn't fun. I hope that this does not occur to you.

Thanks for the encouragement. A couple weeks ago I had given up on my marriage and just decided to let it ride. I even stayed away from MB. And here I am trying again. Thanks for the reminders.

One of his problems is he gets upset with me for something, doesn't say anything and then builds resentment towards me. When he finally does tell me his perception of why I was or was not doing something was wrong. So all the resentment he felt was built on something false. Where if he had just come to me and said this is what's bothering me we could avoid all this stuff. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I hope the rest of the day brings much better things for your.