Thank you. I don't want to t/j Hold's thread so I will take your questions over to my other one if you don't mind responding there for me.

I do want to answer this one here though
Do you see some of Hold in your H in some way? In yourself?

The answer is yes. I actually see myself in both Hold's and TheMud's wife though not to the degree they have had difficulties. I did not understand the need for SF for a long time and when I finally got it, it is somewhat to late. My h has even made the statement "now I know how he feels." And in some ways maybe his difficulties with SF are my fault.

I think for Hold's wife as is being shown now that some of her SF and inability to accept compliments comes from how she feels about herself. I never believed my h compliments and still struggle with them sometimes. Because I never felt good about myself and I felt he was just saying it because he felt he had to. It is a very difficult hurdle to get over and there are some times when you fall back into the old thinking. I think it depends a lot on how we feel about ourselves is reflected in our SF.

Also Hold continues to come back and chew on things so to speak. So I don't think he is nearly as done with the marriage as he thinks he is. I have felt that way on and off and the more I feel that way the longer I stay there now. However I see him still wanting to make this work with his wife cause somewhere under the protection he has put up to protect himself he still loves his wife. However I think the pain from the constant rejection which he may feel is a rejection of himself became to painful to bear everyday and he had to tuck away those feelings and build up a wall to protect himself.

And now it looks like his wife is working on those bricks one brick at a time and Hold is responding. I don't think he is as done as he tries to tell himself.

And I could be way off.