From that same article:
Quote:
But besides logic and passion, there are two other factors that are crucial in creating a successful marriage: Willingness to change and mutual respect.


If only one partner has a willingness to change, then we are back to the original topic of this thread, the renter mindset.

If I were in love with my spouse, I could live with never going to England or Ireland again. I am willing to let it go if it means that I get to have a loving, passionate relationship with someone who loves me enough to do everything in their power NOT to hurt me. As it is, I'm not really in love with my spouse. And my spouse does not love me enough to do everything in his power NOT to hurt me. So I grieve the loss of traveling abroad. And this is just one example. I grieve other losses too. To be fair, so does my spouse. He grieves spending every weekend with his friends. He grieves not having time alone without responsibilities. He is stressed and irritable and depressed all the time and he thinks it's because of some outside factor when in reality it's because he's fighting internally the intimacy that a "real" marriage would require. I feel compassion for his fear, because I feel it too. But I want it badly enough to make changes. He doesn't want it that badly. He's satisfied with "good enough" and doesn't understand why I can't be content with "good enough."