Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy




I do not ask my h to go out to "sit down restaurants" with me as i know he does not like them. He will ocassionally say "hey do you want to go out to eat at so and so" and i gladly accept and we have a great time. I am sure that it is a sacrifice to him because i know that he does not like to go to "sit down restaurants'.


Again, this behavior is what leads to incompatibility and unhappiness. Since you know he doesn't like eating out, you should find something you know you BOTH like to do and not accept his offer. Just because he is willing to sacrifice, does not mean it is good for your marriage. In fact, his offer to sacrifice is bad for your marriage because it is a renters mentality. People who sacrifice KEEP SCORE. And when the score is uneven, they tend to punish the other spouse to extract the payment.

IT IS BAD. Even if you both agree to practice WIN-LOSE, your agreement does not compensate for the damage caused by WIN-LOSE. The fact is that you should not engage in practices that make your spouse unhappy IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

And yes, the state of your marriage is very relevant to this discussion, SC. Because if you are going to contradict MB concepts, that begs the question: how has that worked for you? The proof is in the pudding, so to speak.


I still disagree Mel and i always will no matter what you or any other poster says.

And IMHO i think you "sacrifice" in your marriage on a daily basis as well by your description because i do not think it is possible to do one without the other.