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How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE? 
 Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.
 
 To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.
 
 To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.
 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
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And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....
 They have everything to do with the fact that my h does not see a problem with "opposite sex friendships" along with a majority of posters on this very board......
 
 So you can bring up my thread all you want.......
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Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 Member |  
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I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly. 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 | 
How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE? 
 Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.
 
 To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.
 
 To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.
Read your own definition of the word sacrifice....... typically for the greater good ........... |  |  |  
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Joined:  Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Member |  
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Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....
 Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....
 
 I am not trying to be argumentative.
 My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book
 
 Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
 (an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)
 
 I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.
 
 So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals  to your own thread. Thank you.
 
 
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I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly.I have seen it on the SAA board more times than i can count.......... And a lot of the posters do not think there is anything wrong with being friends with members of the opposite sex as long as you have EPs in place..... I do not think you should be friends with members of the opposite sex no matter what..... |  |  |  
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Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 | 
To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 | 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 | 
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending. 
 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore RooseveltExposure 101 |  |  |  
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
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Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....
 Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....
 
 I am not trying to be argumentative.
 My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book
 
 Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
 (an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)
 
 I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.
 
 So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals  to your own thread. Thank you.
 
 
You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point? |  |  |  
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Joined:  Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Member |  
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[
 You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?
You are just disrupting this thread. Why not show some respect and take it to your own thread? 
 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore RooseveltExposure 101 |  |  |  
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Joined:  Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Member |  
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No. I do not.You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?I am unappreciative of this thread becoming a debate about your ideas.
 Please take your debate about your ideas to a new thread.
 Thank you.
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
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And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending.My marriage is ending by MY CHOICE mel not for any other reason........ It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people...... |  |  |  
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
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I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing....
 
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Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 Member |  
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I've not seen it, but I do not spend much time there, but I think the people on SAA who promote opposite-sex friendships on that board are wrong and harmful. 
 I think promoting sacrifice on this board is harmful, and confusing to people who are trying to live a MB lifestyle. I know I have been thoroughly confused by people promoting that I sit by and be nauseated by my H getting a pedicure if that's what he wants...but it's NOT MB.
 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Member |  
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It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people......She asked you politely to take it to your thread, SC. It is not "nasty" to point out that your own methods have not worked in your own marriage. If you are going to continually dispute Dr Harley's basic concepts, folks need to know how that has worked for you. 
 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore RooseveltExposure 101 |  |  |  
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Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Oct 2008 Posts: 5,437 | 
SC, you have made no point at all in how how have a successful marriage with your stance on sacrifice. 
 Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 (Oscar Wilde)
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Joined:  Feb 2010 Posts: 1,513 Member |  
|   Member Joined:  Feb 2010 Posts: 1,513 | 
The Harleys are very clear about "sacrifice". From what I read, they say that "sacrifice" leads to "resentment". That's a basic POJA principle yes? |  |  |  
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Joined:  Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Member |  
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I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing...."Help" them do what, SC? Get a divorce like you? You are ending your marriage...    
 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore RooseveltExposure 101 |  |  |  
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Joined:  Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 Member |  
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Well if that is what MB is then maybe Pep is right and i do not want anything to do with it...... |  |  |  
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