Originally Posted by CWMI
Pepper, how about when the criticism comes as a response to our criticism of our spouse?

For instance: I tell my H that I don't like it when he loans out our vehicle against my will, and he criticizes me for being controlling and not trusting his judgment?

Is that a case for me to look at my actions and change?

I would agree that you are making an attempt to control what happens to your automobile, and I would agree that you do not trust his judgment about others he trusts to drive the car.

In order to POJA, you must begin with honesty.

Yes, you feel a loss of control over something important, like who drives your vehicle.
Yes, you feel your desires and needs are being ignored when H makes an independent decision without consulting you first.

It's a fact.
You feel the need to have a "say" about who borrows the car. And when.
It is a fact you feel H has not considered your wishes when he makes independent decisions over such an important matter.

Then, come up with a solution where both of you are happy.

Go back to the first page of this thread, and look at the conditions underwhich POJA must be made "safe" for both of you.

Then, post again.