Thanks for the words of support. No particular trigger for why I am depressed. I had a great weekend. Then woke up Monday powerfully depressed.

My love language is physical touch. When I am stressed or depressed, I want hugs.

Mrs. Hold is the opposite. When she is stressed, the last thing she wants is to be touched. Last night she bought some sports apparrel for S15 at the team dinner. He said he did not want it or need it. It is not returnable. Mrs. Hold felt bad she overspent (yay, she is finally on board that overspending is bad). I told her it was no big deal. I offered her a hug. She pushed me away. She said "that doesn't help me."

So while I intellectually know that this is partly about her and not 100% about me. I still feel lonely. Because she doesn't have any hugs to offer me.

I remember a long running discussion on another board. About yellow crayons. Along the lines of one spouse asking to borrow the other's yellow crayon. The second spouse responds "I don't have a yellow crayon." The first replies "but you have a box of 64 crayons in your hand, surely one of them is yellow?" Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes your spouse just doesn't have a yellow crayon in their box. I don't think Mrs. Hold has "hug for spouse to empower him when he feels weak" inside her. She just doesn't.


When you can see it coming, duck!