Hold, have you seen Mr. W's posts on the POJA thread. About men's and women's houses and men's "nothing box". Maybe Mrs. Hold has a nothing box too? I don't know...I'm reaching here.

What struck me about your post was that Mrs. Hold gave you some valuable info but it depressed you. She was letting you know something about her needs. She felt bad because she overspent at the team dinner. If you'd felt badly, a hug would have made you feel better. But that's not what Mrs. Hold needed.

What do you think she would have needed and could you have given that to her, putting your own idea for what you needed on hold (no pun intended)?

I'm not sure I would have wanted a hug in that situation either. To me, a hug would have been equivalent of my husband "minimizing" me...like what he does when if he'd said "well the money's spent so there's nothing you can do about it."

Perhaps you could have validated that she felt badly about it and asked her if a hug would help?

ETA: I am TERRIBLE about validating my husband's feelings and I see the damage it does. So I'm sensitive to it. The fact that I could see that here means maybe something is getting through my thick head. Where's the pat-yourself-on-the-back emoticon when you need it?

Last edited by OurHouse; 03/26/10 08:00 AM.