"The story about the hugs was meant to illustrate that my wife doesn't want hugs for herself. Which helps explain why she is not able to offer me hugs when I need them."

This really struck me. Because this happens with H and I and used to happen even more. He doesn't purposely (I don't think) withhold sex/affection from me because he doesn't care about me. He just doesn't need it so he doesn't think about it. I don't purposely (I have at times) right now withhold housework from him because I don't care about him. I just don't like it and it isn't a big deal to me, so I don't always think about it - I forget that there are wet clothes in the washer or that I forgot to scrub that caked on casserole pan....again.

I can see where MB truly applied compensates for this because I don't think in terms of giving him what I would need, but what he would need. Unfortunately, that is a lot harder to really do than it seems for some of us learning-disabled ones like me. And I am impatient and "instant fix" by nature, so putting off my own needs while meeting his without seeing any "return" is not something I seem to be able to do for long. I am ashamed to say that, but it is what it is. It's funny, if I had overspent (which used to be a problem of mine), talking it through would have made me crazy. Cause I don't like to talk too much about blowing it But your wife sounds a little more like my DH - he really likes to process things fully. It's good for me to have him though because sometimes things NEED to be processed fully.

Depression sucks, so go to Hawaii. At least then it's a TROPICAL depression - ha! I made that up myself.