NED
I would be happy to give my wife a dollar amount to plan events. I am not optimistic that she will be enthusiastic about anything. But I am happy to offer her what little we have available. We have over $40,000 of credit card debt on top of a big mortgage so it truly isn't much.

She occassionally goes walking with a couple of her female friends at a nearby park. I have offered to walk with her on the weekends. She always turns me down. I can ask again. At this point I need the exercise more than she does.

As for the control issue, I realize the "daddy thing" kills romance. But if you ask me whether I would give up financial control to provide more opportunities for RC, no way. We are too deep in the hole. I don't trust myself to keep things manageable once I let go of the off switch.

LA
Not crazy. You are proposing exactly what Dr. Harley requires before he accepts new clients. A commitment to spend 15 hours per week of UA time. I am unwilling to invest that much time. So I don't expect my marriage to improve.

We tried spending more time together in the past. Did not improve our marriage. Just made me more frustrated, bitter and resentful. She was getting more of her needs met and my #1 need was neglected.

I know it is POSSIBLE that Mrs. Hold might react differently now. But I am not interested in testing that possibility at this time. When we get closer to the kids leaving, I expect I will feel differently about spending time with Mrs. Hold. Because at that point I won't mind becoming even more resentful. Because that might give me the motivation I need to leave.

As I have said many times before, staying together for the next 5 years is more important to me than my happiness or than trying to repair our marriage. I know I am the one here at MB. And we typically encourage the person here to "go first". I won't do that at this time. Maybe years from now. But for the moment, either she goes first or I play video games. Even if that pretty much assures that I will remain miserable. Because it also assures I will remain married.

Remember, when I joked Monday about "not getting it", Mrs. Hold started by saying that I am stuck with her forever. She apparently has no intention of leaving. That is how I want it to remain.