Originally Posted By: LovingAnyway
I'm not saying that MrsHold doesn't self-sabotage, self-hate...because she does...and part of what you see is you in her...does it hurt you to know she hates herself, the wife you love?


I tell Mrs. Hold that all the time. The parts of her mother she hates are the parts of herself she sees in her mother. Does it hurt me that Mrs. Hold hates herself? Hard to say. It did earlier in our marriage. Today?

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Do you tell her you believe in her? (That's what I got from your occasional sharing with her in your post.)


Yes. As to her against the world. I believe it. And I tell her. As to her and her friends. I believe it. And I tell her. As to her with me. I don't believe it. And I doubt I have to tell her.

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Do say you, too, still seek the Lord, have lots of questions, cannot bring yourself to rely, let go (resentments, fears, reactivity)? Just your half...not to get her to think/believe anything...to know and be known.


No. I tell her of course I believe in God. Because he sent her to me. Wow, that must hurt to hear. Just like when she tells me she finds me attractive. Makes me feel like puking. I wonder how she feels when she hears me tell her she is my gift from God.

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She is the reward ... as are you.


I used to feel that way. Before we got married. Now I feel we are each the other's punishment.

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Until you can see yourself as the gift God made you...you will not see her as one.


Correct. See me as a gift to her? Nah.

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You don't know her today, right now. You choose not to...and she doesn't know you, right now, either. You do not allow her the opportunity.


Correct.

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To stay married "no matter what"...even if you discover you are tearing another human soul to pieces? Would you stay married? If you found yourself unfaithful, having a mistress of Resentment and Fear?


Of course. I am tearing both our souls to pieces. As is she. Both knowingly. Both feeling we have no other choice. I can't say I know whether she feels she deserves this. I know I do.

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I don't believe you could say that truthfully...I think you examine yourself new today and something cracks open a bit, a dawn breaks...and then you counsel it closed by seeing all that you didn't like in yourself before, there again. Not gone. Not cured. Still you.


I'm confused. Are you saying I don't want to know her, or myself? I definitely don't want to know me. I am ashamed of me. I want to run and hide form me. Hence the video games. To turn me off and tune me out.

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She doesn't get in your spiritual way, nor walk alongside you on the path...do you think financially, you get in the way of her path, consequences, redemption, growth?


Hmmm. Do I shield her from the consequences of her actions? Yes, I guess I do. Then again, I won't take responsibility for mine. So it would be darn hypocritical of me to hold her accountable for hers.


When you can see it coming, duck!