I don't want this to sound bad, but after a long time and many questions to H, I have realized that his lack of interest in SF has nothing to do with me - not in the physical or "performance" sense. It really is him. It just isn't necessary to him. He could go without and not bat an eye. It has nothing to do with me being good enough or pretty enough or anything. Yes, I can possibly sway him in one direction or the other by meeting EN's and avoiding LB's. But I will never be able to MAKE SF be important to him. He may decide to meet my EN for SF enthusiastically because he wants to be the source of my happiness, but it won't be because he suddenly developed an innately high libido.

If your W is not wired to really really need SF, it may never be something she just thinks about a lot on her own. And I understand why you don't want to put yourself out there. But it might be the only way, at least for awhile.