I'm going to chime in here because I also find myself cringeing at times when I read Hold's posts. And maybe what I say won't be popular.

SF is different than 'sex'. I think Hold is referring to SF all the times he mentions sex and that to us at least, it seems that SF is a key component in looking for that connection/keeping that connection to his wife. Making him feel like a man because he is validated in his marriage. And so on.

But Hold...is that what Mrs. Hold is hearing? Or is she hearing that if she even tries to meet you partway, you are going to want sex for sex's sake morning, noon and night?

Is there a way to tell her that it's all tied into one big happy marriage bubble for you? Perhaps you have told her this but knowing her past, she might even be more inclined to separate the two in her head. Her comment about marrying a "nice Jewish guy" says a lot, if you think about it. The general consensus is that "nice Jewish guys" respect their wives and their families, are good providers, don't cheat and are not into kinky stuff. Maybe in her mind being a "NJG" went one step further and put you in a category of someone who would love her and protect her and not make her a sex object because she's had enough of that.

Not excusing Mrs Hold or saying you have to take a vow of celibacy. But somehow, if you were able to communicate to Mrs. Hold that she is NOT a sex object to you; she is your wife and you love her dearly. You love her so much, that making love with her (not "having sex") is a natural extension of your feelings.

Hearts and flowers stuff you know? And maybe in little 'drive-bys' rather than a whole heavy discussion.