I think that is exactly what she thought. That I was "safe" and would not objectify her. She mistook my being polite (unassertive) as lack of interest. She though because I wasn't as pushy as other guys that I wasn't as interested as other guys. Obviously, she could not have been more wrong.


I could not communicate that honestly. She IS a sex object to me. I don't want to have sex with her merely because I have some kind of pure intellectually-based love for her. This is not ONLY about my desiring a merging of our souls. I am a hairy smelly horny guy like all the other hairy smelly horny guys and I think she has a hot bod and I want to have sweaty hot passionate physically-based sex with her. I also love her and want to build a shared life together. But I do in fact objectify her. She has a great butt and a great rack and a curvy hourglass figure and those were among the things that attracted me to her.

That is why we are not compatible. She thought she had found something in me that does not exist. She thought she found a guy who would never objectify her. I am NOT that guy. I do not want to be married to a woman who resents that I objectify her. I want to be with a woman who enjoys that her husband objectifies her. Maybe not 24 / 7 / 365. Maybe not in public. I can compromse on the time, place and manner in which my behavior manifests my desire for her. But I have lust in my heart. And I need my wife to be comfortable with being the object of my desire. And if my wife wishes that I didn't have any desire to focus on her, then we are not right for each other.

I believe my wife wishes I didn't lust at all. I don't believe there is room in her heart for a husband who objectifies her to even the smallest extent. And I am not going to pretend that I never do.