I guess I don't want to get caught up in trying to convince my wife that my sexual desire for her is somehow more pure or noble than the desire that other men have for her. Because I predict that will lead to endless arguments over whether my desire actually is as noble and pure as I assert. And will justify her refusing sex whenever my behavior falls short of the pure and noble ideal. In other words, I reject the assertion that my sexuality is only acceptable when it is pure and noble and motivated by love rather than lust. Sometimes being horny just means you are horny, and I don't want to be married to someone who asserts that I am never allowed to be horny.

Let us translate this into MB terms. It is possible that my wife interprets all of my lust-driven behaviors as AHs. Perhaps she doesn't want me to stare at her chest when she is lying down in a low cut nightie or stare at her butt when she bends over to put dishes into the dishwasher. I understand she gets to define what are AHs to her. And my job is to eliminate all LBs, including all AHs.

My despair comes from my prediction that there is no POJA "deal" under which I would be enthusiastic about spending lots of time with her meeting her needs for RC and Conversation and Admiration while eliminating all external evidence of my lust for her. At least, not with out the application of copious amounts of sex triggerd by frequent initiation on her part. That is, if she wants me to behave as if I don't care about sex or her body or her body parts, then she has to put me in a position where I am far more sexually satisfied than I have ever been while we have been married. Otherwise, it simply isn't worth it to me to exert the enormous effort required to curb my behavior while in her arousing presence. I would much prefer to simply avoid spending time with her.

That is why I say we are incompatible. For another guy, refraining from the AHs that bother her would require far less mental effort and willpower. And the amount of sexual attention required for him to put forth the effort would be lower as well. So he would be truly enthusastic about completely eliminating the objectification-based AHs she dislikes. WHile spending lots of time with her meeting her needs. I don't see myself ever being willing to spend more time with her while eliminating AHs without her providing a level of sexual involvement that she seems vehemently opposed to sharing.

To make it clear just how "far gone" I am, I will share something from my past. I had one serious girlfriend before Mrs. Hold where marriage was discussed. There were several things that caused me to refrain from proposing (including her infamous declaration "you are not allowed to buy yourself any new computer equipment until you buy me my engagement ring".) One thing is that she had a small chest. That was not "fatal" to my finding her attractive. But I must admit thinking it was relevant to my decision. I knew I would always view her breasts as "less than". And I worried that it wasn't fair to her for me to marry her knowing I would find that part of her "less than". Knowing I myself have body parts that are "less than". And I wouldn't want to be married to someone who viewed any part of my body as less than. Ironic, isn't it? Some would say I got what I deserved for having such judgmental thoughts. But I don't want to pretend that isn't inside me. I view my wife as having great breasts. And not merely because they are attached to her. They would be great breasts attached to anyone else.

I am sure my views will not endear me to everyone here. I understand that many (most?) women will find my views unappealing. That is OK. I am sure there are plenty of women for whom I am not the right guy. I am not sure if there are any women for whom I am the right guy. But I am darn sure that I am NOT the right guy for any woman who feels I shouldn't notice her body (or any particular part), or that I should only find her body (or some part) arousing because it is somehow mystically connected to her soul and personality, and not merely because I am hot for her bod (or that part).