In what way shape or form are we in such a "different marriage"? I was always in a marriage in which I wanted to share SF in ways that are meaningful to both of us. She is not and has never been in that marriage. She wants to be in a marriage in which sharing SF together is not meaningful to either of us. There is no shared "you two want". I want SF. She wants to be left alone. So I am leaving her alone.

Except that she only wants to be left alone sexually. Otherwise, she wants interaction. I want a package deal. Interaction and SF. So far, we are not anywhre near being in the same marriage. So I guess you are correct that we are in different marriages. But not in the way you suggested.

Hmmm, that came out harsher than I intended. I guess after all the years of MC and sex therapy, the idea that she is willing to share special and meaningful sex with me is very triggering. To date, after years of conversation, there are NO circumstances in which she has given any indication that she is interested in sharing special and meaningful sex. She says "I need more vacations". But we have gone on vacations, and we hardly ever have any sex. Literally. The number of vacations we have gone on "just the 2 of us" exceeds the total number of times we have had sex while on vacation. On a couple of vacations we had sex once. Most of the time we had sex not at all. So for the sports bettors among you, the "over / under" on how many times we will have sex while on vacation is 0.5. To me, that is pathetic. Just as pathetic as she views my desire for sex.