I used the word "pure" in relation to OH's post about explaining to my wife that my desire for sex is not about objectifying her and is wrapped up in my overall love for her. That I should be use more "hearts and flowers" images in describing my feelings. That is what I mean by the concept of "pure" sexual desire. That it is all part of emotional love. And not wrapped up in body parts and physical sensations.

I could not honestly describe my desire that way. It is partly about romantic love. But it is also partly about body parts and friction and physical sensations and my ego in bringing her pleasure and getting her to consent and all sorts of feelings and emotions that are not about my emotional love for her. I reject the idea (not saying OH feels this way) that lust for my wife is only acceptable if it arises totally and completely out of love. I am not going to try and convince my wife that I only have such "pure" thoughts. Nor am I willing to train myself not to have them (if that is even possible). Even if continuing to have them destroys my marriage.