You were asked what your wife's reaction was to your rejection of her trying to be nice and connect with you. If you answered, I didn't see it.

You have described how you are sabotaging your wife's positive response to the hard work you seemed to be doing to restore your marriage. Several other men here describe themselves doing the same thing.

Dr. David Schnarch describes in his books how many times a couple comes to him with one partner very dissatisfied with their sex life, and the counseling and behavior changes at home quickly reveal that the "less sexual" partner is actually more sexual, and the complaining one is actually afraid of wide open change. They want just a little change, a little more SF, on their terms, but they are afraid of their spouse becoming truly uninhibited and sexual on their own terms.

I am not making that diagnosis of you, but just asking you to think about how much change you are prepared to encounter from your wife. Look at how you are blocking her attempts to connect with you by your rejection of her sharing her intimate thoughts with you. The next time you think you want her to behave a certain way in a situation, try to visualize how you will react in a positive manner to her, and keep the connection going.