Does it make sense? Yes, in that it all fits together, and everything you just said is what I suspected.

Does it make sense? No, in that all the reality of what is happening is so filtered through prisms of anger, resentment, self-doubt, conjecture, mindreading, and disrespective judgements about yourself and your wife. Your responses to her changing the way you want her to change are not what they should be, and not what you want them to be, but they are polluted by the same baggage that distort your vision.

Like the posts in other threads said about the importance of SF to men, and how rejection spills over into the rest of their lives, I bet you other attitude and productivity problems at work would vanish right along with the repair of your love life.

You need to decide you want to be happily married, instead of sitting around marking the calendar towards the fantasy exit "when the children are grown". Half-hearted efforts come from lack of commitment, and they are just jerking your wife around.

You laid it all out in black and white for a complete stranger to read. Lay it out for her. You may need some professional help to put the two of you in a room together so you can do that without either one of you losing self control.