Originally Posted by Jeff4187
It also hurts so much that she would do all of this while I'm on the other side of the world, and emotionally abandon me. I was totally emotionally out of control from grief initially, and literally had no one to talk to. During that time she was cold, distant, and totally unemotional.
Spouses committing adultery are all those things that you say. Their thinking is selfish, they are thoughtless to the hurt of their BS's.
They are in 'ME' world. What you describe is typical.
It hurts, and I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this, by yourself. Tell your family, you need support through this.

Since then, in her "clearer" moments, she's said repeatedly how much she loves me, and wants us to have a future together. I know I can forgive, but I feel like unless she can somehow shake herself out of this fantasy, she's going to wake up in a year or so and realize she divorced someone she loved, that deeply loved her in return.
WW likely had contact after these 'clearer' moments. Whether she caved and contacted OM or OM contacted her and she allowed it,
it doesn't really matter.

Contact has to stop.
NC is the first step towards recovery.
Withdrawl of her feelings for OM happens after NC has been in place.
The end of withdrawl allows the M to be restored to a better one.

Does this make sense so far??

WW will not shake this fantasy herself, she will become more entangled in it.
Exposure is the bomb that will break up the fantasy, it brings the reality of the disgusting act to light.

Right now, NC is your priority, that is step one.

Last edited by Vittoria; 04/17/10 08:34 AM. Reason: correcting and clarifying

M'd 22 years
D-Day 08/08 LTA