Originally Posted by Jeff4187
Yes, she can't even serve me with divorce papers while I'm in Afghanistan, I'm legally protected from that. So I have 3 months.

So no contact with her until she calms down?

Our advice is usually to Plan A your W, but plan B your WW. So, if she contacts you in a civilized manner talking about something other than wanting to divorce you, then I would respond back to her. If she just leaves nasty messages or wants to fight, then ignore her. She'll eventually learn that she will only be able to talk to you if she does so in a respectful manner. Otherwise, she'll get ignored. As for relationship talk, try to avoid that, and just say things like, "you know where I stand, so I don't want to talk about that right now." Don't talk about the relationship until there is at least 6 weeks of verified NC w/ OM and you have made enough love bank deposits where she isn't talking about leaving anymore. Even then, tip-toe lightly and table the talk before any arguments arise. Focus more on meeting ENs and avoiding LBs.

3 months is also a good time because she will likely get through most of withdrawal before you get back, and that can be awful for the BS. I think having some friends back home keeping an eye out for your WW would be a good idea because when the affair ends, the WS usually either goes back to their BS, or finds some other OM. You want to make sure she just doesn't move on to some other OM before you get back. If not, then I think you have a pretty good chance.

Last edited by jmwc95; 04/18/10 11:14 AM.


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story