I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had my ex cheat on me while I was deployed and I had no clue. I don't think I could have functioned at all if I had known. Actually, I know I wouldn't have been able to.

I think what you're doing is all in line with what you should be doing.

I do offer you this thought, though: The military can create circumstances which I feel force some people to marry prematurely when the relationship would have failed otherwise. It's the nature of the beast. An assignment comes to a close and the local girl has to either be dumped, married, move with you, or settle for a long distance thing.

This keeps some people together that shouldn't be together at all. I say this as a man who married a woman due to the cirucumstances I faced and I married when I should have followed my gut when I dumped her.

You're very young. What would I do if I could go back in time?

I would have left her early, deployed my butt off, bucked up my career credentials with combat assignments and deployments, and forgotten about women until I became a Major.

You WILL get over your wife if you divorce. It's not the end of the world, especially since you don't have kids together.

But that's a bridge you'll have to decide for yourself once you end the affair. You'll never forgive yourself for not doing everything in your power to end the affair regardless of whether or not you save your marriage.

The threat of career consequences will likely kill this on the OM's end. He'll drop your WW like a hot potato with pressure from his W and COC.

I look back at all the time I wasted as an Lt and so wish I could go back in time, forget about women for 6 years or so, and simply concentrate on my flying career. I'd be well on my way to LtCol right now, would have the maturity to get into a mature relationship with a woman and not an overgrown teen, and be in a better place.

BUT, I do get to see my kids often and I have met and am going to marry a great woman.

So the long story short: There is life after divorce. You have no kids with this woman. Count your blessings if you rid yourself of her. Otherwise, time will eat at you that she "settled for you."

Best of luck.