In my opinion you just described an incredibly flawed person that needs romance and attention to overcome her self-esteem issues and sexual abuse history. She seems like the exact personality type to have multiple affairs in the future to keep from feeling "empty" inside.

You also seem like a person drawn to the romance. Did you fall in love with her despite her flaws in part because she was hypersexual? I know how hard it is to break up with a girl that is hypersexual. I also know many guys that fall in love with any girl that has sex with them. Understanding the MB concepts can easily explain why if sexual fulfillment is a top EN. I also fear that like myself, you have a bit of the "white knight" syndrome, wanting to rescue a girl you feel needs you because they will love you more for saving them. However, that usually backfires because the girl usually just winds up using you until they find the next white knight to save them from their current relationship.

What I'm saying to you, is that your courtship was not ideal, and you should not have made the commitment to this person at this point in your life, even if you loved her. Hey, looking back on things, I should have never married my wife (I'm still married to her by the way). There were a ton of red flags and I ignored them and made a commitment to a person I should not have committed to. My 6.5 years have marriage have been a struggle, and my life would have been a lot easier had I chosen a more suitable partner.

Your WW was probably an low self-esteem emotional just kind of floating along in life without a ton of direction and this great guy just swooped her off her feet, and you wanting her made her feel good about herself again. Then reality sets in, you rarely see each other, and you just don't make her feel good about herself anymore. Then she starts seeking out something to make her feel better and the professional cheaters pick her up on their radar and take advantage of that neediness. Then your WW would do anything to continue to get that high that she gets from the desire of other men.

My advice to you would be if you are going to continue to try and save this relationship is this. Get NC established. Come home. After 6 months of NC and 3 months of plan A when home, if she is not willing to recommit and truly follow ALL of the MB program, then rid yourself of this woman and find a more suitable partner in the future. You do not want this happening again when you have kids. Use your experience to keep from falling for the wrong type of woman again. Forget the romance (not completely). Who would be best suited to raise your child?


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story