I'm glad you have faith in the system. I think it works with people who stray, as we are all at risk of doing, yet can still be brought back into the fold.

I've been on this board for nearly four years. I have seen many more marriages fail from infidelity than succeed, especially when a WW is involved. Seems like the WHs have a slightly higher chance of coming to their senses, but I have very very rarely seen it in the WW's.

Feel free to report me to the moderators if you wish, but I believe I made it clear that I really hope for a miracle for Gerka. Reality, however, has turned me into the salty dog I've become in regards to infidelity and WW'es.

Stating such, and doing it in a respectful manner, is not forbidden, as far as I know.

It does bother me to see young guys who have no children with WW'es spend months, even years, hanging on to women unworthy of their attention. They're stuck on someone when there are thousands of more deserving women out there. I see this more often in young guys in their twenties who are hung up on romantic notions and are so blinded in their own grief and fog that they can't see the situation for what it is.

A young woman who cheats so soon into a marriage is not worthy of being married to. There's much too much life to live to hang on to such a person, especially where no children are in the picture.

Why settle for sloppy seconds and go through the pain and anguish of recovery with someone like that?

Gerka is choosing to try. I respect that. At the same time, I'm not going to pee on his leg and tell him it's raining when experience on this board has shown me that the odds for him are very low.

I'm giving Gerka the advice I wish I had gotten back when I dealt with my situation.

By all means, expose, end the affair, and then see where you stand. If you end it, do so on your terms. That will give you closure.

If she returns, however, then approach with caution and maker her earn your trust back.

I can tell stories of several guys on these boards that hung on for months, even years, on women who went from OM1 to OM2, 3, 4 etc. All the while, they put their own lives on hold and waited and waited.

This situation puts a real burden on a person's heart. I'm willing to bet Gerk could take his blood pressure and find it abnormally high. Years of that takes it's toll, as I have discovered.

It's also good for Gerka to hear different viewpoints and weigh all his options.