Thank her for the shirts now, or wait ?

Wait a few days.

Hey Gurka - It only took 8 days... "normal" delivery time is 10-14 days... so I would wait a few days before replying.

...say around Day 11 or Day 12 (so wait 3-4 days)...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Roger that. I'll jump on a convoy to go see an SJA tomorrow.

Even I can tell she's already repeatedly violated the temporary injunction automatically filed by the court. She changed our car insurance, which is specifically prohibited, placing her in contempt of court.

Gerka, what she probably sent you was an original petition with the standard TRO language in it. This is what she is ASKING for. A hearing has to be held and the Judge has to GRANT her request for the TRO/injunction. That would be in the form of an order. Was there an order included signed by the Judge? If not, the TRO/injunction is not in effect. She would have had to ask for an "ex-parte" hearing, which means the Judge hears it without you present.

Additionally, until you "Answer" her petition, you are not yet a party. You know what to do with the waiver, right?

Did SHE send you the divorce paperwork? Did it come from an attorney? There are rules for service of process and I don't think if you have been properly served if she's the one that sent them to you. I'm not sure how that works when you are in the service out of the country, but I'm pretty sure she can't be the one that serves you directly. It has to be by a disinterested 3rd party and sometimes by special permission from the court. I wouldn't acknowledge receipt of the papers in any way.

Gerka,

Divorce papers are no joke and aren't to be taken lightly. As I said, everyone can continue to blow sunshine your way, but the reality is that she is emotionally divorced from you and doesn't care about you one bit.

You now have papers in hand. True, you're protected by law against having this done while you're deployed, but the reality is that this is your homecoming.

It is exactly what I got upon my return. She's just giving you the courtesy of letting you know it's coming instead of blindsiding you with it when you return fat, dumb, and happy.

WW'es are amonst the most evil and cruel people you've ever encountered. Mine had me believing she sent me a care package while I was in the AOR. I checked my mail daily. I stopped in after ever mission I was involved in to see if the package arrived. I ran a trace on the package at the start of the third week that it hadn't arrived. I called her and asked about it and she told me she sent it.

The truth? It was never sent. There was no package. It was some sort of sick game she was playing. You know how important mail from home is. You know how much it boosts morale.

I'm the lonely voice of reality on your thread.

It's time to get your legal ducks in order. Going into a divorce with "hope" is the biggest recipe for disaster for you that you can follow.

You could instead take advantage of her desire to end things and fashion an agreement favorable to you.

Your enemy has just fired a salvo your way. Sitting in your foxhole and hoping she stops firing isn't a plan.

The only thing that doesn't make your situation a 5 alarm fire is the fact that you don't have kids. But this is not a time to sit and think or hope.

Your first step to end the affair through exposure is a big step, but it's time to lawyer up and be prepared to greet her with a legal salvo of your own. Texas may have adultery laws that come into play in your situation. There may also have alienation of affection laws which will allow you to sue the OM.

But you need to start hunting for lawyers to talk to upon your return.

These papers mean nothing while I'm in Afghanistan. It says so right on the front page. She filled them out, filed them and mailed them herself. They are signed by a judge and given a case number. It specifically says that the temporary injunction applies to the person who files the papers the minute they file them.

Jim, I have to laugh at how good you are at understanding angry women.

HelpTLD - Please explain just how this sentence helps Gurka?

Yes, it's now time for Gurka to start looking at other options: consult with legal counsel, protect assets, etc... And I have clearly stated that I do NOT have personal knowledg of D-papers or what to do with them...

You'll notice that my advice is limited to my personal experiences. I'm positive that YOU have some great informaion to pass on to Gurka...

However, if you continue to make disrespectful, personal attacks towards WW's, just to validate your own personal experiences, then I will report you for violating the TOS.

Please, try to limit your advice to factual issues that can help Gurka and leave the WW bashing alone.

Semper Fi,

RIF

I agree. She filed the paperwork the day after I exposed to her family & friends, the day I exposed to OMW. The paperwork is riddled with small errors. She immediately broke the court's injunction after filing.

Not the actions of someone thinking clearly. More the actions of someone thinking "I'll show him!"

I agree with rif, thank her for the shirts, and don't mention the papers. If she does. Don't tell her that you are waiting till you return. String her along by telling her you are thinking about it. No other reply. Why? Because you want her to continue to open your e-mails hoping that you are going to agree to it. This way she will keep contacting you. And you are in control of the communication. Eventually getting her off the subject and on to some LB building conversation. Just a thought.

Oh yeah, the most perplexing part of the paperwork, she wants to keep my name.

Hey Gurka - When you talk with the JAG tomorrow, ask them if divorce filings are made available over the internet by a court or judge. If they are public, then you might want to snoop around see if you can find this judge over the internet.

Just thinking here that if your W actually spent money on a lawyer, that it must not have been a very good lawyer to allow it to go forward to a judge with ANY errors on it.

This could be a ginned up set of papers and signed by one of her buddies. And it could very well be a ligitimate set of D-papers...

The JAG can help you with this when you talk with them tomorrow.

Semper Fi,

RIF

It specifically says she filed the papers herself, without representation. They are legit legal papers though, I'm sure of that.

Why did I say that about WW'es?

Because they are. Men get caught with their pants down in legal issues far too often. They keep hoping. They do what I did, which is they stay "nice" in order to keep hope alive that they can be together again by not making the divorce difficult.

The opposite happens. The person, man or woman, who comes out with the legal guns blazing tends to come off better.

Sitting and absorbing it while "hoping" will simply have Gerka end up without most of his stuff, likely paying alimony, and in real financial straights.

As a man taken to the cleaners by his ex, I feel I can offer some advice on this front. My mistakes were to sit idle on legal things and not protecting myself, my rights as a dad, or my assets.

I was too worried about reconciling and not worried enough about fighting.

My ex, which took advantage of my emotional state, used this fear of her anger against me. Any move I made to protect thigns was met with a barrage of, "if you make this ugly then you will ruin any chance of us being together again!"

So I would cower, run off, say "yes dear" and comply with her demands. Was this an evil thing for a WW to do? You make the call.

I ended up without a job, homeless, and without any form of rights to see my kids. All my fault for not waking up soon enough with the full understanding that the legal gauntlet had been dropped and that it was time for me to hire a lawyer and strike back just as hard, if not harder.

How does my statement help Gerka? So he can understand that there is a difference between the woman he envisions in his head and the reality. WW'es are evil, selfish creatures who will do anything in their power to help themselves. Things that a BH could never imagine. False charges of abuse, restraining orders, claims of illegal activities, etc are the norm with WW'es looking for an out.

The best thing for Gerka to do is to consult a lawyer and prepare to fire back legally upon his return. It's a gun he may not have to use, but one he should be prepared to use just in case.

Gerka, legal papers will be full of mistakes. They're written up by lawyers who are translating what they hear from their clients. As a perfectionist on this front, I corrected many errors made by my lawyer on papers that were filed on my behalf. Errors by her lawyer are no surprise.

She's not in contempt of anything uless there is a court order. Unless the court says, "ORDERED, both parites must��" then there is no order and no violation.

Don�t get caught up in the idea of, "she's in contempt" because of whatever. The fact is that you and I don't know the law well enough to make that call. Family law is a nebulous minefield. Some stuff means everything to a judge while other stuff falls into the bin labeled "background noise".

Call a lawyer and run your situation by him/her. That will give you a better idea of your rights. This doesn't mean you will file anything. It will simply give you a clue about your rights if you need to protect them.

But please, whatever you do, don't simply ignore these papers. Don't acknowledge them to her, but consult someone about them.

If she goes it alone without a lawyer, then you're in luck. Get one yourself.

See PSUBIKER's thread on his situation. His WW went at it alone with little understanding of the law and she got hammered in court.

Yet she still ended up with 50/50 custody despite the false allegations against PSUB.

Just got an email from one of the investigators. Apparently they've been sending me emails asking for a sworn statement and they haven't been getting through.

HelpTLD - You were warned earlier... I've reported you to the moderators for violating the TOS.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Gerkaguards, there is nothing in MB that says a betrayed spouse should not be prepared for the worst.

I agree with HTLD. There is nothing that says you can't work Plan A and Plan B while all the time consulting with an attorney about your rights.

Within days of my wife torpedoing our marriage I was in a lawyer's office putting together the current Separation and Property Settlement Agreement. She signed it, as did I.

There are some things I think I was too easygoing with. But in the long run, I protected myself and my assets (she had none, after all).

I think it surprised her a bit when I hired a repo company to take away her my Jeep.

There is/was a poster here who changed his name (from Barnboy, if I recall correctly) to "Doormat_No_More."

There is nothing in Marriage Builders to suggest anyone should be a doormat. In fact, the opposite is true!

Hooah!!!

So what rank is the investigating officer?