I wanted Mrs. Hold to join me in bed this morning. She was planning on going to exercise class. She asid "I will stay with you if you want. I can go to a later class. Not to do that {shrug, sour face, dismissive hand motion}. But lie there and hold your hand for a while."

I called her later to discuss logistics for tonight. After we talked a while I thanked her for the morning's offer. I said "it was not the offer I wished for, but it was an indication of your care and concern."

She said I overanalyze too much and bring our relationship up too often and I am freaking her out. I agreed and thanked her for the information. I told her "you are the primary focus of my attention every waking moment. I realize that is an overwhelming burden to bear. I need to take my focus off you, and focus on other areas of my life."

She remained silent. I wished her a nice day and hung up.

Unless I somehow find a way to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year more than I make now, which is inconceivable while I continue my obsessive navel gazing, she will never be motivated to meet my ENs. While she refrains from meeting my ENs, I remain ineffective at all areas of life. This stinks. But not enough for me to choose differently.

When you can see it coming, duck!