ITA with what OH just said.

One thing that I think hasn't been mentioned lately is that hold DID do his part, "clean up his side of the street" for quite a long time, IIRC; and Mrs. Hold made promises but didn't follow through. The MB "next step" is Plan B, something that Hold is not willing to do at the moment, because he wants to maintain the marriage for the kids' sake.

I can *totally* see how that would be depressing. Sure there may be a "solution" but at a price that he isn't willing to pay. The old rock and a hard place.

I don't think I'd be willing to go to Plan B just because my spouse doesn't meet my biggest EN (Conversation).

The only other option that I can see is to keep trying to motivate the other person; to be H&O about how you *really* feel, about how much it affects you when your EN isn't met; and about your feelings of resentment, etc.

Hold, I think you are getting much better at that. And I think your W is starting to respond. It may not be as hopeless as it feels right now.

Beware that you haven't gotten so attached to your resentment that you cling to it. I know it's scary to feel vulnerable. It's ok, you can do it. You've already taken some of the hardest steps. You may not see how far you've come, but you have come a long way. IMHO.