I understand about the resentment. I am dealing w/ some health problems. My husband was trying to help me by reviewing a list of specialists I'd found on the web. He was reading out the info. I was running late to work. I was as usual, distracted, preoccupied, feeling lousy, stressed out about work, money and a whole host of other things. I *could* have said something like "honey, I'm so glad you are trying to help me. Can we set aside a time later tonight to talk about this. I just can't concentrate right now; I'm trying to leave before the school bus comes down the street and I get stuck behind it."

(he knew all of this but restating it couldn't have hurt...except that I would have resented it, so I didn't!)

At some point he said to me, "I'm trying to help, please don't push me away" And I replied with an abbreviated version of above. Then I suggested that I call him on my way to work. He replied "don't bother. I don't want to talk about this by phone. Or email."

So I said 'you are pushing away!"

This was after my drive by O&H moment last night when I told him his AOs pushed me away.

I probably could do MY part much better if I just shoved the resentment and anger up on a shelf but I don't.

So in that regard, Hold, I do see where you're coming from.

Hard to change ingrained habits.

sorry to t/j