As I posted earlier, I promised Mrs. Hold a fancy trip if she reached her goal weight. She is getting close, and we can't afford to do what she wants this summer. So we compromsed that this summer we would take a less fancy trip to Maine and save up to take a fancy trip next summer.

Last night at dinner Mrs. Hold started talking about her plans for Maine. We should go sea kayaking and then do a sailboat cruise. Then the boys should play golf while the girls get facials and have lunch by the pool. She had not discussed any of that with me before raising it with the kids at dinner.

I said "I know this sounds fun, but we can't afford all those excursions. This was supposed to be an inexpensive chance for us to get away from home while we save up for next year's trip. If you keep adding on expensive recreation items, then this trip will have to be INSTEAD of next year."

I fell into an even deeper depression. It was a hot day yesterday and we went out for ice cream after dinner. Mrs. Hold could tell I was out of sorts. She asked what was wrong. I told her "I feel like a failure. I can't afford to send my kids to the activities they want to do this summer. I can't afford to buy S15 a car when he turns 16 next fall. I can't afford to take you on the vacation you want. I feel awful."

She said "yes, I can see how all those one on top of the other could bring you down." I thanked her for noticing. She said "yes, well, I do care."

The problem is that I don't care. Not enough to change my behavior so I can afford more. And not enough to leave her.