I'm going to suggest you doing, again, rather than reasoning. Do it without waiting to change your thinking.

Ask your DW if she would help you to not feel like such a failure. Ask her if she would come up with a plan to repay the debt she incurred before, and to do this by her cutting out something(s) slowly, over one year, so that you guys could really take the cool vacation.

And she could be really honest, and write down the amount of her plan for the small vacation (turned large in her mind), write down a daily "not spend" to go towards it.

Sounds inside out...I get that. Yet, her trimming each week could count as payment...and if she sees where she can't come close in doing so for 52 weeks (if she's only saving $50), then she can do part time work to accelerate it.

And if she chooses not to do the part-time or full-time work to pay back that debt, then you guys don't go on the cool vacation next year until she does.

Her way of helping you, helping herself...and you asking and letting go the response.

It won't be about you. Won't mean she doesn't want you to feel like a failure. Won't mean she doesn't care...means she has her own issues...and you love her enough to stop standing in the way of her own redemption.

Love her more, 'k?

You can do this.