Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by jmwc95
Just to be clear, plan A your W, plan B your WW.
That is not the way that Dr Harley describes Plans A and B.

Plan A is for the WW.

Plan B is for the WW.

You must be wholly in either one plan or the other.

Until the affair ends, the WW is a WW. At no time is she a W. You cannot Plan A her when she is being nice this morning and Plan B her when she is foggy or spiteful this afternoon. Plan A has both carrot and stick elements, and is the only plan to use while the BS is able to use it. There is no Plan B during Plan A.

When Plan A becomes a way of life for the WS (when they settle down happily to having their needs met by two people), or when the BS is unable to continue being a giver while the affair continues, Plan B comes into force. Plan B is complete cessation of contact until the affair ends, and you cannot move between it and Plan A.

I meant, respond to your wife. Don't respond to your WW. If she emails Gerka how her day went, then he needs to respond by meeting her need for conversation. If she emails him about what a jerk he is, he just needs to ignore it.


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story