Just to give you background:

We had problems from day 1 in 1992. I finally insisted on marriage counselling in 1997. We went every other week for years and made no progress. In 2001 I took a new job and moved the family to where we now live.

In 2002 I joined MB. My wife and I were seeing a sex therapist at that time (2nd or 3rd time we had tried one, in addition to a number of marriage counsellors we had seen regularly over the previous 5 years, but we only saw the other STs a couple of times because Mrs. Hold was not comfortable discussing sex). The ST's "program" claimed she could improve our sex life in 16 weeks. 16 weeks later we had done 1 of the weekly homework assigments because Mrs. Hold refused to do the rest. So I chose to stop seeing the ST. This forum helped me deal with the frustration of the complete lack of participation on my wife's part to that process.

In 2003, after I had been participating in this forum very frequently for about a year, we decided to see a woman who had been trained by the Harleys in an attempt to implement the MB system. We talked to her for 2 years. Made zero progress. In May 2005 she fired us because it was obvious neither of us was willing to change enough to please the other. We can argue over who was more obstinate. But it was clear we were unable to make any progress as a couple.

Since then I have basically given up on improving myself or my marriage. I am just muddling through life. Part of me is waiting for the kids to leave home so I can make decisions free of the legal ramifications of divorcing with minor children living at home. Part of me is just hoping for a "magic wand" like hitting the lottery or getting hit by a bus so I won't have to take responsibility for making changes.

There are some signs within the past few months that Mrs. Hold might be more amenable to implementing the MB system in 2010 than she was 5 - 7 years ago. An MB weekend or counselling with the Harleys might actually work if we both got on board. But at this point I am too apathetic to do my part.

When you can see it coming, duck!