Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Ok, she called me repeatedly this morning, eventually I tried to call her back, got her voicemail, just left a short message, "I got your email and your missed calls, just calling to see what's up. I've got to get back inside now, so take care."

She called me back before I could get back inside the building. She said she just wanted to know "how much crazy you're going to put me through." I asked what she meant, she said, "are you going to sign the waiver or not?" I responded with "I'm not interested in a divorce, I'm interested in saving our marriage." She raised her voice, and it warbled and she said "You've threatened every part of my life, our marriage is over. And my lawyer is telling me to sue you for false accusations against an officer! I don't want to, but if you keep making this hard I think I will" I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've just been doing what I can to save our marriage." She asked, "You're acting crazy, sending me messages like everything is ok." I replied with, "I'm just trying to be the best husband I can be." She replied, "You're doing a terrible job then!" She then moved on to, "I will have you served in August, and I will be divorced by November and you can't do anything about it. If you come near me I will call the police." I replied with, "I understand you're angry, but I'm interested in saving our marriage." She said, "So are you going to destroy all my stuff? Are you going to come and try to kill me?" I replied, "Of course not." She then said, "Don't try to come to Arizona and see me." I replied, "I wouldn't come uninvited." She said, "So what's your plan to win me back, how are you going to make that happen?" I replied, "All I can do is be the best person I can." Then she said, "Well, you're just making this harder for me, since I'll have to deal with the divorce while I'm in class. And your little plan didn't work. Nice try though." Then the call dropped (unreliable international calls.)

It sounds to me like your WW is really jumbled in the head right now. I believe she has actually convinced herself that you did make false accusations against her and that you are so angry you want to hurt her. That is the justification she is currently using to rationalize her current behavior. IF there is NC w/ OM, her head will eventually clear. If the fog clears she will realize by your actions that you are safe. The fact that you have remained calm on the phone and in the emails will convince her you are safe and that she can talk to you some more. Remember, less than 3 weeks ago, she was going to block you from her email. Now she is initiating phone conversations. I see the contact continuing to escalate. Did you notice she also made an excuse as to why she might not file for D immediately when you get back? She doesn't want to deal with it during class. I suspect that when you get back, she'll say something like, "Don't get your hopes up by me not filing right now. I just don't have time with it now with class. I'll file once class is done."

Overall, you did great, and I can see the progress. The ONE thing that concerns me is her last statement. "And your little plan didn't work. Nice try though." I may be reading too much into it, but it seems to me that she may be flaunting she is still on contact w/ OM. There isn't much more you can do at this point. However, now that it is exposed, it will die a quicker death as a result. Even if OM is still in contact w/ OM, he's probably not going to commit the time and effort required to sneak around make the relationship work with the consequences swirling overhead. Eventually, he won't be giving her what she needs, and he won't be getting what he needs (sex, admiration) either, and they will lose touch.


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story