Hold, I don't think it's more "can't/won't" thinking. It is the beginning of self-acceptance.

I firmly believe that I cannont take action to change what will be until I learn to accept what is, and I can't accept what is unless I am willing to look at what drives me, my motivations.

Awareness first, then acceptance, THEN action.

Seek first to understand (myself), then be understood (by others).

Taking action first is not always the best course, because without awarenes and acceptance, I won't be able to sustain any changes anyway. Just spinning wheels and wasting time.

And our acceptance of ourselves is not conditional on someone else's acceptance of us.

I'm proud of you Hold . . . self-acceptance can be so hard, and you just experienced a little bit of it.