Gerka, you are vulnerable to depression, all BS's are.

You are in no position to allow yourself to get to this state, harmful to you and possibly others.

Recognize how you are feeling.

Please ...... talk to a Dr., and consider taking an anti-depressant.
Many BS's have used these short term to simply help them cope through this crisis.
As you are seeing, it is a crisis.

You have the added crisis of just being where you are, seeing what you see ..... over there.

I can only imagine how much your family wants you to be safe!

M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA