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Originally Posted by RIF
Quote
...well that was about 500m away from me.

Hey Gurka - Just saw the pictures on the web... I know exactly where that is! I've driven by there many times.

Again, Glad that you're safe!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Yeah, that's where I work, and live in the same complex. It's funny, you work at a desk all day every day, trouble shooting why people can't get their email working right, drinking coffee, playing volleyball, etc. Then all of a sudden you're pulling burned body armor off one of your coworkers only to realize it was the only thing holding him in one piece.

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I. can't. even. imagine.


hug


BOTH of you guys, be careful.



M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Quote
Then all of a sudden you're pulling burned body armor off one of your coworkers only to realize it was the only thing holding him in one piece.


Sorry you had to see that... one of our guys got hit with a double/triple stack of AT mines last year... there wasn't much left at all.

It's so easy to forget that we're in a combat zone until stuff like this happens. Most everyone back home thinks that we're over here on a nice "tax free" vacation... Right.

Talk with your co-workers and work through this... don't bottle up your feelings.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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I'm much better at handling this sort of thing than my personal problems. This I was at least halfway expecting.

I've been in that same spot, in an uparmored SUV at least a hundred times since I've been here. It's like getting struck by lightning, nothing you can do about it.

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Yeah, that B-6 armor doesn't do very well against the EFPs that they're using over here, or a couple of AT mines, or some 155's.... they'll stop a 7.62 but that's about it.

I hate going outside the wire and only do so if I absolutely have too... I'm a "civilian" now and I'm not out here looking for any medals!

When I do go outside the wire, I'm like you, I just don't worry about it. If something happens, it happens and there's not a thing that I can do to stop it.

Keep your head down over there Gurka!


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Looks like the WW's birthday present got a moved up delivery date of today. I hope she's arranged to get it somehow, since she claims to have moved from the address that I sent it to. Though I'm pretty sure she just moved to another apartment in the same complex, because of a pricing error she was telling me about. But she's painted it as "I moved to get away from my crazy threatening husband."

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If she's in the same complex, they'll probably deliver it... or at least they'll check and see if she filed a change of address card.

You'll probably get an e-mail or a phone call within the next couple of days... I'd definitely include some of the things that went on today in your e-mail, and in another e-mail to your MIL...

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Well I gave her the UPS tracking number, so she knows it's coming too, so hopefully she takes whatever steps she needs to to get it.

I'll write WW an email tomorrow. I wasn't planning on writing MIL until the 25th or so, to congratulate her on her daughter's wedding.

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I would definitely include the stuff about what happened 500m meters from you. Hopefully, it will help her put things in perspective and sharing things that happened to you as well as how you feel about it is always a good thing to do.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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All I can think of is I wish it had been me. These guys had something to go home to. I don't.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
All I can think of is I wish it had been me. These guys had something to go home to. I don't.

GG:

DON'T

GO

THERE.

Your marriage ain't over yet.

And there is ALOT of good reasons to come home.

Even if its to just see her one last time in the court house.

But do not get down on yourself.

I'm sure that there are plenty of people that would prefer to see the the Whole GG come home, rather the remainder of your parts.

Stay Strong Soldier.

LG



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Looks like WW spent $25 out the joint account by writing a paypal eCheck yesterday. It's down to $45 in the account now.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
All I can think of is I wish it had been me. These guys had something to go home to. I don't.

Dude, snap out of it. Sure, you don't have a loving wife to go home to right now. BFD. There are a lot of guys serving over there that don't have wives and children. They still have families, friends, and some, message board posters, that care a lot about them. Even if you don't think your marriage will be salvaged, there are MILLIONS of girls out there (more mature and with less baggage) that would treat Gerka right. Don't you know how many BSs there are on this website after the fact that are like, "What was I ever trying to salvage my marriage for? I didn't know I could be this much happier by myself or with someone else."

If that is TRULY how you feel right now, then you need to alert your CoC and get yourself the HELL out of that combat zone because your combat readiness is TRULY in question. Are you ready to throw your life away after a POSSIBLY failed 5 year relationship? You've got 50 more years. 10 years from now this will just be a distant memory.

Calm down and take a deep breath. You need to do something for yourself to get you out of this rut. Don't dwell on your situation.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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My combat readiness is fine. Everyone is else is hesitant to run the roads tomorrow, so I volunteered to take someone's place. Gotta jump right back in the saddle.

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Originally Posted by Ark
Some of the most painful posts to read here ....is the confusion and turmoil of betrayed spouses....

those post D-day days weeks and sadly months in which so many things are left unanswered, unaddressed and emtpy...

be still.....

In our turmoil and chaos and the gnawing need to fix and address.....bs bring into their hearts more pain and crisis....

be still...

There was once a saying I read somewhere that went something like to really ever understand someone else we must crawl inside of them and feel the gentle beat of their heart....

easier probably for a BS to move a mountain than to grasp and work from that realm....

but be still...
each moment of stillness you can buy grab or gobble is a moment in which you are free from the pain and free from the fear..

fear of doing the wrong thing
fear of saying the wrong thing...

the goal is not marriage rebuilding at any cost...
the goal is guiding yourself to a place of stillness...no matter the outcome....

the anatomy of a WS is that they changed and molded their own thought processes so that they could engage in a affair....

they did this....
they did this....over time and in a way in which they can barely see the reality of this...but they did do it...

be still

it takes time.....

too many posts are from BS with unrealistic EXPECTATIONS which will harm you...

it is unrealistic to think that the thought processes needed to engage in such vile actions....vanishes over night

working through affair issues takes time...gobs and gobs of it...
and if you find yourself standing in a place of demanding change and specified responses, introspection, apologies, and instant change...

be still

for you are causing more grief that you need to burdon....

they did this...and they must undo this...

will they?
the truth is we don't know..
but to ever be a whole person again they darn well better...otherwise they carry their chaos on and on..and in the end no BS needs to burdon that.....

WS, though hard to see when they have used you as a weapon are very very damaged inside.....

they can not face that damage...and since that damage is YOU the BS...they often can not face you..

so they continue to waffle and wallow in the path that brought them to this place...

the way of rationalizing and justifying downright no two ways about it dispicable behavior acts....

force them to the face and process at once..
they will withdrawal
they will deny
they will retaliate

or even worse they will self destruct themselves....

be still....

don't force responses and actions and answers...be still and know that their non-responses , non actions and non answers ARE their answers....and you can hold them accountable to that

be still
and then make your moves....


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
All I can think of is I wish it had been me. These guys had something to go home to. I don't.
.

I can understand this feeling, but have only one thing to say to it: STOP!

I felt exactly how you did on the the day I came home. She told me she wanted a D the day I got off the jet. I was at one point literally on the ground crying and wishing I had died over Iraq.

I just read that recently in notes I wrote about that time period. I am now grateful no such thing ever happened. My family would have been devastated, my kids would be without a father, and the WW would have gotten financial rewards and sympathies not deserved.

Since then I have become grateful to have such a woman out of my life, am super happy with my kids, have new friends, great contact with my family, and a wonderful woman that I'm going to marry soon.

Gerk, you have much to live for, whether it's the new marriage you may rebuild with your WW or the life that awaits you with your family or a future Mrs. Gerka.

You have a lot of issues pressing on you right now. Please reach out and get the help you need to wrestle with them.

These thoughts will understandably cross your mind. When they do you need to tell yourself exactly what we're telling you here. STOP!

You deserve better.

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Gerka, you are vulnerable to depression, all BS's are.

You are in no position to allow yourself to get to this state, harmful to you and possibly others.

Recognize how you are feeling.

Please ...... talk to a Dr., and consider taking an anti-depressant.
Many BS's have used these short term to simply help them cope through this crisis.
As you are seeing, it is a crisis.

You have the added crisis of just being where you are, seeing what you see ..... over there.

I can only imagine how much your family wants you to be safe!


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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I'm not depressed, I'm fine, really.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I'm not depressed, I'm fine, really.

And you wish you were the one that was blown up in the convoy? And you are volunteering to put yourself in harms way?

Just remember, you have no kids and no shared property. It's like you are playing with house money trying to save this marriage. If it doesn't work out, you tried, but there a million more women out there that would make a MORE suitable wife and mother. You are willing to try and save the marriage because you made a commitment to her, but you'd be better off finding a better mate. Either way, you win.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Gerka, be aware that BS's are at risk for PTSD, you can google it and there is even a thread here on it.

As far as the meds, just don't close the door to that type of support.

And ..... you are not defined by your WW's A, or whether or not your M recovers.

Remember, Plan A is about becoming a better you, not only in the WS's eyes, but your own too.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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