This morning we had what is for us a very long conversation about sex. Maybe 3 or 4 minutes.

Started by snuggling. I got up to go eat breakfast. As I rose, she thought I was moving in for sex and she threw up her arms to ward me off. I told her not to worry, I have no intention about having sex until we deal with her revelation. She followed me into the kitchen.

She spoke bitterly that she was sorry she admitted it. I said I was honored that she shared her truth with me. And I want to incorporate that truth into our relationship. And I am not yet sure how that works. And until we have a plan, I am not interested in having sex. We can still snuggle, with no risk that it will be "escalated" to sex.

She said she doesn't want to be microanalyzed. I said that is what I have been doing until now. Every movement and every moment during sex was, for me, carefully calculated in an attempt to find something that worked for her. From now on, I don't need to waste time and energy doing that. If nothing works for her, then I can ignore her reactions and just focus on me. She seemed dubious.

I said "for example, how about I pour chocolate sauce on you and lick it off. We previously rejected that because it doesn't do anything for you. But that rejection was based on the assumption that there was something else we could do instead that DOES do something for you. If nothing does anything for you, then maybe we should ressurect all the ideas I suggested in the past that got shot down because they don't turn you on. If they turn ME on, then maybe we should try them."

She still seemed dubious. I asked "what do you think about chocolate sauce?" She replied "I think you would like that."

There is still a cloud of doubt and negativity on her part. But I think this is worth trying. She apparently fears that it won't be successful. I agree, at least in part. At this point nothing we do is going to get us where I really want to go. Which is to have a responsive partner. But if we can't get there, maybe we can get somewhere that is better for both of us than where we are now.

When you can see it coming, duck!