Welcome Tonya to club no one wants to belong too.

I feel you should move this issue to the Infidelity Surviving an Affair threads. I feel it would help you a lot and use this thread for the military related issues and questions that may relate to the issues that come up. Just ask the Moderators to move it for you.

My thoughts are that if your H is still living away from you he's in contact with another W or even the OW in the affair. Usually this is the case in such situations.

If you are BOTH serious about recovering your M I recommend you get the Harley's involved in phone counseling. I suspect your first recommendation you get is that you move back together if there truly is no OW right now.... but I doubt it is true. The reason is its harder to fight the A if you live apart.

As per the contact and being told "they say this is bad for us" the "they" are the counselors I guess? Sadly very very few counselors out there are M experts, the run of the mill counselors usually deal with divorce issues or individual issues..... here its about saving a M, but not at any cost.

Being in contact and meeting the needs of each other is often a good practice. I would urge you to read ALL the basics on this site, get the books His needs Her needs, and surviving an affair. Your Library may have them or else local bookshop.
And no I don't work for the good Dr in any way... my H & I just used his system.. IT WORKS.

Please get the thread moved and get lots of info and support.

take care


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.