My fear of rejection remains a huge impediment. Since she threw up her hands to ward me off, I have not made any move toward her. Not for sex. Not for snuggling. Not for anything in the bedroom (I have held my arms out for hugs outside the bedroom). And of course, she would rather die than reach out for me in the bedroom. So if I do not make a move and risk rejection, we don't touch.

Great theory - try and make sex more playful. But that requires us to have sex. Frequently enough that we can try several different things. And one failure is no big deal in the total scheme.

At this point, I am not motivated to attempt to have sex at all. I am too afraid of rejection and failure. So I'll just take care of myself. And seethe inside. At me for being such a scaredy cat. And at her for not making things easier for me by giving me clear "go" signals.

I wish we could talk about this. Plan out what we should try. When would be a good time. I may have to make a move just to get rejected so I can insist we talk about it. She seems more open to talking right after she rejects me. Of course, neither of us is in a calm respectful mood at that time. We do not implement the Policy of Safety. And everyone says not to talk about sex in bed. But if I ask her outside the bedroom at a time when sex is not on the agenda, she says she doesn't want to talk about it.

I will simply have to be less of a wimp and insist we talk about it. I hate not being a wimp almost as much as I hate being a wimp.