I know. Unfortunately: Never. Going. To. Happen.

I feel sorry for both of us. At times I think if I had more compassion I would divorce her. Because I can't see her ever meeting my need. And I can't see myself ever forgiving her if she doesn't.

No, I can't imagine being able to relax with her. The tension is always hanging there. I feel like an insecure teenager. Which in many ways, I have never stopped being. And which I know is an enormous turn off for her.

That is one reason I spend so much less time with her these days. The tension when we are together is too thick. I can hardly breath. Her too. She frequently tells me to back off because she needs air.

This is no way to live. Sorta like democracy. The worst choice. Except for all the alternatives.

When you can see it coming, duck!