Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
and sometimes, she's asking for the same and you deny her in the same way you see her denying you...

Of course. Isn't that the point? To pay her back, in full measure, for my deprivation? What else is there? it is my goal. My God. My life.

I think your wife is going first...and you are refusing to follow.

Perhaps. My wife has a need for Admiration. Nothing wrong with that. Many / most of us do. I can admire the way she is with the kids. Her friends. Whatever work or volunteer positions she takes on. She has many admirable characteristics. I praise her for them often.

But if she wants Admiration for being a good wife. She will have to seek it elsewhere. I am not going to give her one iota of Admiration for being a good wife. Unless and until our sex life is far better than it is, or has ever been.

In part, this is of course a reaction to my view of my status as a husband. I see myself as an abysmal failure. And hence refuse to give her any credit for being a good wife. How can I? If I admit that she is a good wife, while I am a poor husband, then how can I maintain the fiction that this is all her fault and I am justified in refusing to change?

PS--did you ever get the answer of what you did that was so bad to deserve constant, consistent punishment of yourself? I forget...

Not what I did. What I am doing. Every day. Being lazy. Unambitious. Giving in to my weakness. Accepting less than my best. The punishment never ends. Because the crime in ongoing.

When you can see it coming, duck!