I think what you are doing every day (and not doing) is how you punish yourself for something. I think your weakness is not your weakness. I think that's another lie to self.

And you did the all...the good wife...instead of just that one thing...not going along with the influence of other wives...saying "no" to that wife's point of view and having her own...

and her bravery in sharing it with you...

and then covering up that bravery by asking for you to give her one atta girl...just for that.

Not the all...or nothing.

You are not lazy...you work hard on punishing yourself and others.

I agree about accepting less than your best...rather, I agree you reject your best self a lot.

Her being good doesn't make you bad. Just as you being bad doesn't make her better. Though that is really worth sharing with her, isn't it? Good information she doesn't have.

You know you can stop justifying your refusal to choose differently...when you choose to stop justifying anything.

You already know this...you won't give yourself permission to be great and experiencing yourself as great. So you won't give her permission, either.

Both are criminal...and punishing yourself hasn't been redeeming. You have another payoff at play.

When you haven't determined what you need most for your wife's redemption of her crimes, how can you determine your own?

And yet you punish anyway...in between the bouts of loving statements, intimate sharing, and acts of love which are as constant, Hold.

And you do them. And so does she. Not all or nothing.