I can't imagine you would be happy no matter how much sex your wife provided, Hold. Forget the analyzing. From what you post here it seems as though you have a negative self image and you cling to it. No amount of good towards you from others seems to mean anything to you.

I'm sure you know that there are many more people in this world and in your small corner who have much less to be happy about in there lives.

Get the shock treatments, maybe it will create new pathways for positive thoughts and actions. I believe you will come back with an analysis of how your path is determined and there is no hope because your reluctance to change. I think you're simply wired for the situation you're in and different circumstances or a fully engaged sex loving partner won't change that.

There are people in this world who love/get off on drama, upset, stirring the pot, pitting one against another, complaining, being put upon, unhappy, blaming others, blaming their parents and upbrining...so many things. You appear to be one of those. The grove is there, the path is set, the donkey with binders, what have you, you're there.