Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
I don't think there are any bad guys here.


Nonsense. We are both "bad guys".

And I realize your point is valid for some / many people. However, it is inapplicable to us. My wife basically never warms up enough. She is never in the mood for sex WITH ME. So there is no point saying "maybe in a couple of days of pleasant interaction she will be in the mood, don't rock the boat by being impatient". No amount of patience is sufficient to get us to where she is in the mood.

Or to put it differently, I understand that when spouses are in a State of Intimacy, physical separation can cause them to feel less connected. In that case, they will need time together to re-establish Intimacy. My wife and I are never in a State of Intimacy. So being apart does not cause us to disconnect. And being together does not bring us closer emotionally. In fact, we tend to get along better when we are apart. With sex out of the picture, there is far less tension in our interaction. It is when we are physically together that we have big problems.

I cannot envision us entering the State of Intimacy unless I were far more successful professionally / financially than I expect to ever become. Hence my profound doubt as to whether we will ever be Intimate. Hence my doubt that I will ever experience SF.

I didn't say I expected her to make moves. I know better. I merely said I was hoping she would. Because it would have been nice. Even though I knew it was only the remotest of possibilities.


When you can see it coming, duck!