Thanks for the compassion, Hold. However, much like you, a lot of my sitch is my own doing. Like you, I have my own reasons for doing things as I have. Unfortunately, many of my reasons are actually excuses to avoid the inevitable severe level of conflict. Others are just based in fear. I fully realize that, unlike a trip to the dentist, this IS going to hurt a bit...

I should add to my previous post that my anger at my W really is about me as much as it is her. No one forced me to be a doormat for as long as I was. I tought her that I was OK with what she was doing. I gave her the wrong impression.

Then again, she did the same to me, but I don't control that. And I know her actions are without premeditated malace, usually w/o malace at all. It's just part of her inborn nature.

The strange thing is how we can still intereact quite pleasantly and even share a few laughs now and then - like any reasonably courteous room mates or co-workers. Maybe it's even a little better than that. In fact, I believe my W would say things are far better than what I'm saying.

At the end of the day, I have to wonder:
A) what were we thinking when we married our wives?
B) what were they thinking when they married us?

The simple answer goes back to your sig line, Hold: nobody saw it coming. Nobody ducked. We all got clobbered.

Now, how do we heal all the wounds?

You're just jealous because you can't hear the voices in my head!