Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
I told her she said the same thing after we consummated our marriage. She claimed not to remember. Possible, since I am sure the statement was much more meaningful for me (in hindsight) than it was to her at the time or since.


Yup. I've had similar experiences.

Shortly after our 1st anniversary, I inquired if things were alright between us, as the affection had dropped off a lot since getting married.

Her response: "Things are fine. Before we were married I wanted affection because I didn't know when I would see you next. Now, you're here all the time, so it's no big deal..."


Oh, really?


RE - the absence of SF in our relationship:

"I thought you understood - no kids, no sex."


It's true, we have always agreed that we didn't want to have kids; I DID NOT understand that to equal celibacy. But, apparently she didn't understand that I didn't understand...


My next thought may be a little TMI, so I apologize in advance, but it perhaps most accurately expresses our disconnect. When I asked her how she thought SF was supposed to work in our marriage, she said it was my job to pleasure her, and her job to let me.

Uh...wha...???


Anyway, my W doesn't recall any of these conversations, either. Like you said, Hold, her words meant much more to me than they did to her.

My biggest problem has always been how to find a starting point when my w's sensibilities and my own are so vastly removed from each other.

Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
It may be far too late to fix this.


I understand your despair. Regrettably. For both of us.


You're just jealous because you can't hear the voices in my head!