HOLD, I am glad you and the wife are finally trying to be honest with each other after all these years. That honesty alone will free you to some extent. When things are unsaid, and there are lots of lies, that is when you really feel miserable stuck in a marriage with that kind of stress.

However, there are so many options for her if she were willing to change. She wants to be invited to parties, she could:

1. Get a job and raise the family income
2. Support you in every way (emotionally also) so you will want to make more money
3. Change so that she does not care what people think
4. Go to events to "be with the other people" instead of going to events hoping to "impress other people". One is self centered and one is other centered.
5. Learn to care for others rather than just herself.
6. Realize that most people could care less who you are or what you have.
7. Learn to be a nicer more caring person.
8. Learn to socialize in a new and different way
9. Get over the idea that money can buy friends
10. Form some moral and ethical rules around the reasons for socializing
11. Figure out her reasons for going to parties and change those reasons.

There is so much more. She could learn new ways of being if she wants to do so. It is all up to her if she wants to or not.

How would she feel about attending some "low brow" parties just for an experiment or does she tend to "look down" on most people?