Originally Posted By: LovingAnyway
I want to challenge your honesty on your statement. Do you think she has learned a lot about love and healthy relationships in the past 20 years? Or were you implying something, roundabout, rather than sharing honestly?


I think she has learned that there are downsides to "nice" and "safe" that she did not see 20 years ago. And that what she thought was "safe" is actually not safe at all, just a different kind of problem.

As we say on another forum discussing mismatched libidos, high libido women often find it captivating when they meet a guy who is not "all about sex". They like the idea that he isn't "just after me for my body". Until the 2nd or 3rd time he turns her down for sex. Then they realize that a guy who never initiates sex when she doesn't want it might well turn her down when she asks. Be careful what you wish for and all that.

On the other hand, as your post implies, she hasn't learned much about sex. Since we hardly ever do it, never discuss it, hardly ever try new things and don't share our views or reactions on what we do try. And she hasn't learned that much about healthy relationships, since we haven't been in one. And don't practice the skills we have been told might help.

So she hasn't learned nearly as much as she might have. Especially given how much time, energy and money we have spent working on it. And she isn't that much more honest with herself. Although that may be changing. As she finally admits to herself that we are not compatible and that she may have to leave me to find happiness.

Then again, there are limits to her self-honesty. She keeps saying "I feel nothing down there. Not with you. Not with anyone else". She makes it seems like this is natural and normal and acceptable. And that there is nothing she can do about it. But she has normal urinary function. She got pregnant and carried to term and delivered 2 healthy children vaginally. I guess it is possible that she has some nerve damage that prevents sensation from her sex organs from reaching her brain. Still, it seems far more likely that this is a psychological issue. But no, we can't go in the direction. That simply cannot be the correct analysis.


When you can see it coming, duck!